EMILY KWONG, HOST:
For a lot of people, summer is the time to get out of town and visit your family and your friends. But how do you ensure that your presence in someone else's home feels like a gift and not like a chore? Well, Andee Tagle from NPR's Life Kit has tips from an etiquette expert on how to be a house guest that always gets invited back.
ANDEE TAGLE, BYLINE: If you want to be a star house guest, Elaine Swann says, conducting yourself correctly isn't about following a strict set of rules.
ELAINE SWANN: Etiquette really has to do with how we make other people feel. The core value of it is, how are we impacting other people?
TAGLE: Swann teaches people and companies about social courtesy through her consulting firm, The Swann School of Protocol. One surprising tip - she says it's absolutely acceptable to invite yourself to stay with someone so long as you feel comfortable enough with the person you're asking because you wouldn't just stay with anybody.
SWANN: So your barometer would be your own comfort level. Is this a person that I would have stay at my house? And so if your answer is yes, that means you're likely close enough to that person to say, hey, listen, I'm going to be in town. Is it all right if I stay at your place?
TAGLE: Just be sure to give your host plenty of time to plan accordingly. Swann says, you want to secure a visit at least three to four weeks ahead of time. But the earlier, the better. And she says there's also an ideal duration for a stay.
SWANN: A good number typically is three days. You know, we're looking at - or four days, if you will, and three nights, right? It's a good sweet spot to where people - you get in, you get out. People are not frustrated. You're not overtaking their space.
TAGLE: A long weekend is a good sweet spot, she says. It's long enough to get quality time, but short enough to be over before any frustration can set in or your host feels too crowded. Adjust accordingly, of course, for family functions or holidays or extra-long travel. And consider, too, the size of your party, the age or bedtime of any kids and the kind of gadgets and gear you need to bring along - and how all of those things might impact your host's day-to-day routine. Then find some time to talk through those details with your host. See what works for them and what doesn't. She says a small thank-you gift for your host is also a must. But don't sweat it if you don't have room in your carry-on. It's OK to arrive empty-handed. But if you do?
SWANN: Your purpose should be to go on a reconnaissance mission while you're in that house.
TAGLE: Because you want to contribute back to the household in some way before you go. Just something small, like restocking their favorite local coffee or sending out for that garlic press they've been needing. But being a good guest doesn't end with gift wrap.
SWANN: Make sure that you are very, very mindful of the footprint that you bring.
TAGLE: Mindfulness means being tidy, doing the dishes, maybe offering to treat your host to a meal. You want to be your best, most respectful self. Even if you're offered the old make yourself at home. Generally, Swann says, this line means don't expect your host to wait on you hand and foot. So if you're hungry, go ahead and make yourself a sandwich, but...
SWANN: You still want to have that step above. You want to have a reverence for the fact where this is not really your home. I'm going to make myself at home by making the sandwich, but I'm going to clean up after myself as well.
TAGLE: And the best way to leave on a high note - be on your way out when you said you would be, for one.
SWANN: And then follow up with a thank you to let the person know that you appreciate the fact that they allowed you to stay there.
TAGLE: And then don't forget to return the favor. Next get-together, have them come over to yours. For NPR's Life Kit, I'm Andee Tagle.
KWONG: For more tips from Life Kit, go to npr.org/lifekit. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
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